There are so many benefits to parenting in our modern world. We have a plethora of information at our fingertips, more opportunities for connections to communities than ever before, and we know more about parenting and what works versus what doesn’t. Because of all of these things, women are given more agency within their own lives and as mothers to decide what works for them. Gone are the days of the cookie-cutter woman standing in her kitchen making meal after meal for her family with no outside interests, no income, and no identity outside of wife and mother. So why, with all of our advancements, are modern-day mothers more overstimulated than ever before? This is a topic I think about often, as I am a millennial mother who also deals with frequent overstimulation. Let’s discuss.
When I was growing up, it was just at the beginning of the technology boom. We had a single TV in our living room, one desktop computer in our house, and one corded phone in our kitchen. As time went on technology advancements happened and by the time I was in middle school, the iPhone had just recently come out. When I was in high school, Facebook was new and it was when you still needed to be “invited” to join, and I had to access it from (the only) big and slow laptop we had. It was just the beginning of the constant technology at our fingertips.
When we were kids and before technology was so independent (where everyone has their own tablet, iPhone, or computer with them at all times), things felt much more simple. I remember my parents were busy; my dad worked outside of the house running his small business and my mom worked inside the house as a stay-at-home mom. With three kids in the house, things were chaotic but it was a simple kind of chaos.
The biggest difference I notice when I look back on my childhood and think about my mother’s experience as a stay-at-home mom versus my own experience as a stay-at-home mom is the technology. There is no doubt that a person can get overstimulated by a plethora of different sounds, experiences, smells, and responsibilities, but the one thing that is constantly adding anxiety-inducing pressure to my life is technology.
When I truly sit and think about my day-to-day life as a stay-at-home mom, there are not many things that are overstimulating. But then in reality, as the day goes on, I realize that the sounds of the tablet running in the background, Cocomelon on the TV, a video playing on my partner’s phone, the speaker playing a song at low volume in the kitchen, kids toys playing jingles on repeat, my desire to spend a few uninterrupted minutes scrolling on social media, incoming emails pinging on my phone from all different people needing my response, and whatever else, are incredibly overwhelming and overstimulating. There’s a sound coming from every single direction, and I often feel like I can’t even think straight. The simplest of things can drive me crazy, and I find myself ending up asking my kids to quiet down when all they’re doing is using their imagination and playing a creative game (something I always tell them is so amazing to do).
Removing these things and spending a day with no TV, tablets, or phone interruption reduces my feeling of overstimulation by almost 100%. Without all of these distractions, the sounds of my kids yelling while playing or the dogs barking at something outside rarely bother me, and they end up becoming something that is the most enjoyable sound to hear.
Millennial moms are hard working, loving, and ultimately we are doing our best. But our lifestyles have become something so impossible to maintain and we are feeling the effects of it. My goal for 2024 is to create uninterrupted blocks of time when I can work and get tasks done (such as respond to emails, make phone calls, research anything I’ve been thinking about, meal plan, scroll social media, and anything else that needs to be done on technology) and then be fully present with my kids during the other hours.
The other day I spoke with my mom about her days of being a stay-at-home mom. I asked her, “What did you do for self-care when you had alone time when you were raising us?” She said, “Well, I don’t think I had much free time, but if I did, I was probably cleaning or getting something done”. This was such an interesting response and it really made me think. “Self-care” is something millennial mothers are always being reminded about. Social media content creators often talk about what they did that week for self-care, or what they will be doing to “fill their cup”.
These days, if I were to say that I did laundry or cleaned the house in my free time for self-care, I would get a plethora of snide remarks and side-eye, explaining how that is absolutely not self-care. And, I mostly agree, it’s really not if your idea of self-care is purely for self. But it makes me think because as a stay-at-home mom, getting things like laundry or cleaning done in your free time really can feel like self-care. For most of us, doing these chores each day happens with little ones in our arms or at our feet. Tasks can take two to three times longer because we are often having little helpers. Cooking or cleaning when you’re alone can be self-care, especially if it then allows your time with your kids to be uninterrupted playtime.
Millennial motherhood is rewarding and we are more free than any generation before us. We are connected, supported, and motivated, but it is so important that we also recognize when too much is just that, too much. We cannot do it all and should not be expected to. For me, I’ll be taking a page out of my mother’s parenting book and removing distractions so I can get back to the basics. Overstimulation is out in 2024.
What are your thoughts on overstimulation in millennial motherhood? How do you handle it, and is there anything that has worked for you to improve your mindset?
