How motherhood highlighted the struggles I was facing as a woman with undiagnosed ADHD and what pushed me to finally get a diagnosis.
Becoming a mother almost six years ago has been the most spectacular and joy-filled journey. My kids are my world and I love spending time with them. Motherhood often feels like something I was born to do. I enjoy the simplicity of being with my children each and every day as a stay-at-home mom and love watching them grow and learn.
However, once I had my second child, motherhood was taken to a new level. I’m not sure I was prepared for it, if I’m being totally honest. I had assumed it would be hard to go from one child to two. Of course, there would be more mess, more noise, more appointments, more meals to make, etc. I knew all of those things. What I didn’t realize is that having two children would push my comfort levels and would cause more of a struggle for me, internally.
We have a little over four year age gap between our kids. When I was pregnant with my second, everyone kept telling me the age gap would be so perfect. Once our second was born, everything I assumed really went awry. All the struggles I had been dealing with on a smaller scale were exacerbated. It felt like there was a magnifying glass sitting over me highlighting my internal struggles. All of the struggles I was able to mask with one child were suddenly impossible to mask with two children.
Some examples of the struggles that were magnified by becoming a parent of two are my lack of ability to maintain a strict schedule for more than a day or two, a lack of consistency with methods and systems, my need for quiet time and overwhelm when there is none, and my inability to focus on things that do not interest me.
These may sound like small things, and they are when dealing with them myself. These are not new struggles. I have dealt with these things for as long as I can remember in my life. I have always been an easily distracted person. I have also always been someone who hyperfocuses on a topic of interest for a while and then, like a cloud in the sky, it’s one day just suddenly gone, never to be found again. I struggled in school because I could not focus on things that did not interest me. Studying was an impossible task because my brain was constantly focusing on something else.
But motherhood is more important to me than school or any job I’ve ever had before. Motherhood is the one thing that really drove me to look within because I didn’t feel like it was something that could be overlooked anymore. I felt like what was at stake – my relationship with my kids and my ability to be a good mother for them – was the thing that was most important to me. There was no time to waste in bettering myself because my kids deserve to have a good mom, right now.
This is what led me to finally research ADHD specialists for adult women in my area. I booked an appointment with a psychiatrist. My appointment came and after filling out all of the paperwork and speaking with her for more than an hour, it was confirmed. She told me that I had all the signs and symptoms of Inattentive ADHD and that medication would be something I could try.
I can’t tell you the relief I felt when she said those words. I didn’t know at the time that I had ADHD; all I knew was that I was exhausted from trying to keep up with all of the other mothers I know. Finally getting the confirmation that I was struggling with something bigger than just being lazy was such a relief.
It’s been a few months since I was officially diagnosed and I have yet to try medication because only a week or so after my appointment I found out I was pregnant with our third baby. It was odd timing, for sure, but I look forward to knowing that I have an option that could help me in the future.
So much of my life makes more sense now after getting diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD at 33 years old. I feel more confident. I am not incapable, just different. I am not obtuse, just specific in my interests. I am not lazy; just have executive function struggles to begin tasks. And most importantly: I am not a bad mother, just a mother who has to get used to the brain she was given and find ways to connect with my kids to give them the best version of myself that I can.
